So, since school has end and I have had more time on my hands. I kind of have had to much time to think. I swear allowing me time to think is not a good thing because then I over analyze and come with crazy ideas.

What I guess this comes down to is I feel like I just really hate my own nature right now. I think as a Gemini by nature I know I am flirty. I also know to have my attention and affection you need to be able to connect with me not just physically and emotionally, but mentally. Get me with your looks, but your personality and brains is what keeps me around. And I feel like looking back on things in life so far I come across as very I don’t know… Urrrgh. I just feel lately I came across as hit it and quit it. (Not that I have really actually sleep with mad people like that. I’ve what slept with one person once and that is it in my life time, so I guess the phase is just a quick and easy way to explain what I feel in the fastest way possible). I guess I feel like I am not wanted.

I have come to realize that all the guys I’ve been with see me as a mistake. Freshmen year of high school I was just a rebound. Freshmen year of college… I don’t even know what the hell to say about this douchebag and his thought process. But, when you’re excuse to your on/off again girlfriend (which neither her nor I actually knew when you were technically with her and when you are not) is that I remind you of her and at the same time you are telling me a different story. I can’t even. Which brings us to this year. I mean that text the day after that none of us when we read it knew how to take I just realized how much it just reads as you are a mistake. Like fuck, this is my life.

But, then I think just on my own personality I get attached to people too easily. And I feel like having so much time to think about the things that happened last week really has me over analyzing things and I feel like I am becoming attach to that guy in my mind at least. Or is it just me not wanting another friendship to go to shit where I really talk or never talk to them again. Because that is how the first to turned out. I rarely talk to L now. A1 and I… he fucking avoids me like the plague, but he is a douche. And now this A2 is like… I don’t know we never talked outside of classes and school much to begin with so it’s not like I am expecting him to start talking to me all over a sudden. Truthfully, the text conversation between us the day after the party I think is about the last time we are ever speaking to each other.

Seriously, I think all this time to think really hasn’t been good. And being disconnected from everyone and in a sense along in Philly right now has me really wanting to be with people and connect with people. That might explain why I kind of wish what happened last week isn’t and won’t be a one time thing. I feel like I want/need someone there that cares for me and tell me (I guess) that I am worth it and cares about me.

God! I hate it when I hit these phases of desiring to be in a relationship of some sort with someone. Anyways, I doubt anyone actually understands my rambling but me. And I am really debating right now if I should make this public or private. I am tempted to take the chance and have this public, but that is probably going to change really fast knowing me and my thought process.

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I’m made of glass
Like I’m made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!

-Demi Lovato

And then one of your cousins happen to run out to get something as well has to tell his friends, the ones in the car, you are his cousins. True story. Happened last night.

Sometimes I just want people to remember me. Remember that I am FUCKING here. I am tired of being forgotten about. I’m FUCKING tired of being alone. But, then again it’s okay I am use to this. And eventually I can go back to dealing with it like I always do. This is just another moment where I just let out so I can pretend to let it go.

-“Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn”

I really want to do a few piercings. So, that means time to start saving up some money. What is on the list though?

1. Tragus

2. Christina

3. Tongue (I use to really want this one, but now I am debating it.)

Lets see how long it will take me until I get any of these.

So, I ended up baking cupcakes for my douchebag cousin next door so he can ask a girl to prom. And the whole time his ass was complaining about how he wanted them. The ass needs to learn to sit back and relax when I am the one doing all the work. Pssht. Anyways this is how they turned out since I made this a quick hit and run job. Now this damn Cambodian chick better say yes and not have wasted my time or I’m gonna kick someone’s ass.

So, I went to see this movie with my two cousins, neither of which had read the books. But, one of them asked me questions throughout the movie. Which did annoy me at some point, but then again I felt like I had to explain. I think that factor in my movie experience may have influence some of the opinions I formulated about the movie, but not that much. I think it gave me more of a perspective of how the movie came across to those who have only see the movie.

I have to say that this movie was pretty good. I think if you want to see it definitely one of the better movie in awhile. Worth the money to see it compared to somethings that have been coming out in the last couple of years. Rating wise I would give it 7.5/8 out of 10. And there are a few reasons why which I will get into later. I just want to say I if you don’t want any spoilers stop reading here because when I get into the review I am going to be kind of detailed.

Read More

geek-is-the-new-chic:

Oh, Temple University. <3

So, I was so excited yesterday that I got into my study abroad program to go to Australia over the summer. But, problem was the costs and the fact that I had to pay a $500 deposit and mail in some forms in ten days (nine now). I called my mom about it and it just started with her yelling at me over how expensive it was and how I don’t think. That if I go there will be no money if anything happens financially because we have no money. She called me today and I brought up if she thinks I should even bother trying to apply summer financial aid… it led to me being yelled at again.

Thing was I felt confident since I applied to four scholarships already ($3,500, $500, $300, and $1,500) and was almost done with a fifth for $500. I thought I had a pretty good chance to get them… it makes no difference now. I am going to email them to without draw my scholarship applications for all of them. There is no point when my mom says in the end I need to find a way to pay for it all on my own anyways.

But, is it bad that I am crying over this… fuck it… and I have an Organic Chemistry quiz tomorrow that I can’t focus on studying for now. I’m going to fail that now, so screw it too. What is the point of half this crap anyways. Sometimes I wonder why I am even in college trying to become a doctor or anything at all.

My life right now.

=.= && ; )

Weird combination, but it’s true.